


Should be

by scoupsology



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, I'm hurting I'm sorry, Im crying msjdjs, Jeongcheol I'm sorry, M/M, jeongcheol - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 20:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20413741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoupsology/pseuds/scoupsology
Summary: He doesn't know how or why, wait scratch that. He exactly knew how and why, the reason they fell apart, he just doesn't want to admit that the other is happy now.





	Should be

He doesn't know how or why, wait scratch that. He exactly knew how and why, the reason they fell apart, he just doesn't want to admit that the other is happy now. 

Jeonghan isn't someone who's showy of what he felt, he always masked it with a funny feedback or something with a teasing tone. 

Maybe that's one of the reasons they broke up. 

He saw how the other looks like now. So happy, even his eyes are shining. Of course it broke him, he wasn't the reason why the other was smiling... laughing at something the person beside him said. 

He clutched his chest, it was too hard. Too hard to look at someone who was once his man. 

****

Seungcheol hugged his arm, pouting with his adorable pleading eyes, "Hannie please! We should have a date like the other couples do." 

Jeonghan laughed at his cuteness, his heart rummaging against his chest frantically, but he won't show it. "Cheol, we can spend our time here at our dorm. Besides, the practice yesterday was exhausting. We can watch movies while cuddling." He suggested. 

His heart dropped at Seungcheol's expression. He knew how the other loved to go out with him, to have a perfect date he's been dreaming, but they should be careful. Now that there has been a lot of issues, one wrong move and their hardwork will be nothing. 

"Okay." Seungcheol murmured as he let go of Jeonghan's arm. 

Jeonghan's lips turned into a straight line, this is hurting him, too! But he shouldn't show it. He needs to be strong and understanding as well. 

He forced himself to smile and wrapped his arms around the older's shoulder, "What do you want to watch?"

The other sighed, removing his hold of him, "I'm going to bed."

"But Cheolㅡ"

"The practice yesterday was exhausting. I want to rest. You can watch if you want."

It hurt like hell. 

****

They were doing their vlive and Cheol was beside him, they were at the back so subtle things should be okay, right? He wanted to show the leader that he's not ashamed of it, of them. 

He played with Seungcheol's hand, happy that the person beside him was happy, too. He drew heart shapes and the last one was 'I love you.' He noticed how Seungcheol's voice got a little bit higher, but probably the others won't notice it aside from him. 

He thought it was enough.

****

"Hannie! You got matching necklace with Seokmin. Don't you think we should buy for each other, too?" 

Jeonghan froze, he turned around and saw Seungcheol looking at him with his pleading face, again. "But we already have a lot of matching clothes, don't you think?" 

Seungcheol whined and Jeonghan instantly wrapped the other in his arms. "But it's like... different from getting a matching accessories."

"It's not different. Promise." 

It was silent and it was killing him. He knew he's been failing to fulfill his role as Seungcheol's boyfriend but it should be enough. 

"Necklace is something you can wear anytime and everywhere. How is it the same?" Seungcheol softly said, biting his lips. 

"Are you jealous, Cheol?" Jeonghan asked, his heart clenching. 

"And if I am?" Seungcheol answered, looking straight to his eyes. 

"You shouldn't be. We're just friends." Jeonghan reassured. 

"We are, too, don't you think?" Seungcheol softly said, taking a deep breath and left him in his room. 

He doesn't understand, he can't understand. They are more than just friends. Why would the other think they aren't? 

****

Seungcheol clung to him like a koala. 

"Jeonghannie..."

"Hmm?"

"You told the other members you love them. Why won't you tell that to me?"

It was difficult. He's nervous and uncomfortable saying I love you with someone he loves the most. He doesn't know why, he just can't. He knew he shouldn't be like this. The other has been vocal of what he felt and it must be the same as him, he should give back the favor, right?

"Actions speak louder than words, Cheol. Even if I don't say it directly, you felt it, don't you?" He asked. 

"Actions with words are much better than choosing what you should give." Seungcheol said slowly.

"I just... I don't know. I'm not used to it." He stated. 

"But you said it to the members." Seungcheol said back. 

Holding the older's hands that were shaking, he looked straight back at the leader, trying to make him understand his side. "It's different. You're different, okay? Please, just understand me, too."

Seungcheol didn't reply immediately, "Okay. I'll wait for the day you'd say it back to me."

Jeonghan kissed Seungcheol's temple next is his lips, "Thank you." I love you. 

He said it to Seungcheol once and it seems like it wasn't enough. 

****

He saw the matching hoodie, he wasn't paying attention at first but... there they are. Seungcheol with a hoodie similar to Joshua's. 

It wasn't the first and the last time. He doesn't know if it's a coincidence or not but he wanted to think of the former. 

They also got the same bag. They also walked beside each other. 

It also wasn't the last. 

He noticed Joshua's arms on Seungcheol's shoulder and how they walked too near for his liking. 

He wanted it to be their last. 

****

Where did they go wrong? 

They were sitting next to each other, in Jeonghan's room and Jeonghan's hand itching to hold Seungcheol's. 

It was so quiet. Even the sound of his clock can be heard and their deep breaths. Seungcheol was the first one to break down. 

"H-han, I'm sorry." 

He knew it. Baby, where's my pet name? I'm still me. Baby, I'm your Hannie. 

"I didn't know how or whenㅡ I-I just..." Seungcheol stopped, but tears kept on falling. "I don't know."

Jeonghan knew. It wasn't enough. He wasn't enough. 

"I promise you there's no one else but..."

"But you want to break up with me." Jeonghan softly added. 

He heard Seungcheol whined, "Han, please."

His heart was breaking. He was breaking. Tears started to fall from his eyes, too. "C-cheol, what did I do wrong? Cheol can't we go back from where we are before?" 

Seungcheol sobbed, moving from his place to kneel infront on Jeonghan. "T-there's nothing wrong. I promise."

"Then why?" Jeonghan asked exasperatedly. "W-why are you breaking up with me?" 

"Iㅡ it has been so difficultㅡ" 

"You're saying what we have is difficult? Is it?"

"Yes! N-no fuck. Hear me out first." Seungcheol's voice was shaky. 

"Being with you was the best thing that happened to me. What we had was one of the best part of me. But I feel like..." 

"Like it wasn't enough." Jeonghan stopped the other. 

"Han, I know I've been immature. I've been neglecting your feelings, too. I tried to understand, I tried so hard... I'm still trying, Han." Seungcheol continued. Hands trying to wipe away Jeonghan's tears from falling. 

"You're more than enough for me, Cheol." 

Seungcheol shook his head, "Han, I'm not. I want you to be with someone who can understand you fully, and I'm not that. It's my fault. I... yes. I've wanted more. More than what you show in public. Han... I'm selfish, can't you see?" 

"W-we can work this out, I promise. I will be more vocal, too. Just please..." 

"Han, don't beg. Please. You've been hurt enough because of me." Seungcheol pleaded. 

"And you think this is not hurting me? Cheol, being with you is the best part of me. You're my other half! I don't care if I'm hurting as long as I'm with you..." Jeonghan said, stopping once in a while. 

"It's toxic, Han. Can't you see? I... I'm leaving. We still have to write our rap, I just... I love you and I'm sorry." Seungcheol muttered, stood up and stopped by the door. 

"I love you, too." Jeonghan muttered, in the wind, after Seungcheol left him with his whole being shattering. 

****

"Jeonghan hyung! Come on, we are going our for dinner!"

Jeonghan looked away from the two, smiling at Seungkwan who's beaming at him. "I'm already ready to go."

Seungkwan grinned, "So now I have to pester Mingyu hyung." 

Jeonghan laughed, his gaze looking back to where he was looking before but froze when he met those eyes he loves so much. Seungcheol smiled at him and he returned it back. 

'I want to grow. For you. If the time is right and we still love each other, I will pursue you once again.' 

That was what Seungcheol said when he stopped by the door and looked back at him. 

But it seems to be impossible to happen. The gaze Seungcheol gave to him is now what he give to the person beside him. 

They are friends, it should be enough.


End file.
